|| The End of You and Me

I turned on the heater. This was a wet and chilly Sunday morning, and the gloomy weather has extended to all of my motions. The nine hours' sleep didn't help with my work fatigue at all. A terrible headache, like a hangover from a heavy alcohol drinking. No, we didn't drink at all. Computerized soccer games, Chinese takeouts, and the forever darkness outside the window were all we had to deal with the other nights.

For a moment, I hesitated - do I use the telephone, or do I not? I sent text messages labeled by numbers, but didn't get reciprocal replies by numbers. I felt like being stood up for a date of something, (un)fortunately this was nothing new to me.

"How come that I got rejected all the time?"
"That's because you asked the wrong boy."

Why do we look different persons in the eye of another? Even though I know, I don't want to know, but I do know. There are things in this world that have no cause and effect relationships. So the smart thing
to do is not to ask. I could wait on Mondays, remain solo on Tuesdays, but I wanted to hear from you on Wednesdays that clear the darkness of you. I was disappointed all the time.

"What do you think of this Friday night?"
"Oh, it's better than the other nights when I'd been all by myself."

Suddenly I find myself contained in this emptiness. I was with him. I was with her. I was with them. All has been marked by an alienated containment. But I had enough of it, my life is a wreck. I started to read writing proses of a more contemporary writer - not much that I had commonalities with, she was too local for me. I like writers who are versatile and embracing changes. But there is something that I learned - we have to find our roles of life no matter what stage we are in, a hard worker, a passionate lover, a devoted daughter. I've
been silly, for a long long time. I didn't do any of it well, at any time, because I got confused.

I'm close to the end of it.

-- published to jieminhb blog via my gmail account

Sayings of the week - Snowflakes and baseball games equal to changing channels.