|| The significance of being significant

Between going to a concert and going to a Wizards game, the choice is clear.  I'm watching the wizards after the new year.  Having confidence, bringing courage, getting out of the comfort zone, challenging the complacency ... yet the year of 2018 proved to be one of the very memorable one of being different, being in the stand-out and knowing the importance of the significant me.

I have never been a contentious person.  All my school years were staying behind of all things.  Thanks to a lot of diversity movement incorporate, the innate quality of being quiet and introvert has gotten some recognition.  For some time, I have asked myself what diversity and inclusion give us back?  Personally, it gives me the power of believing in my strengths which help me overcome the fear, the hesitation and the doubt that was cast over me at times of difficulty.  I started learning the diversity and inclusion, or the lack of and wondered how I would extract the positive intent out of it when as observed, there are more dominant groups learning how to protect themselves whereas the minority groups get emotional after learning what was behind the scene.  I am getting to the brighter side, I think, taking advantages of the opportunities that are presented as the mainstream wants to fix the obvious diversity challenges.  Seize the opportunities, there is nothing that feels better other than being stronger than the me as ever before.  

Bringing it to a slightly bigger scale, diversity helps remove the blind spots, brings in the 360 perspectives, makes better choices, delivers team results better.  1) embrace changes 2) work-life balance 3) risk mitigation 4) team retention and career growth.  When we present ideas, an open environment creates a safe haven that people ask or share questions, suggestions that may lead to even more possibilities of solving a specific problem.  The conversations challenge what is already assumed and at the minimum helps the leaders anticipate the questions and the hidden dangers thus prepare for them.

Finally, we are in the retail industry, for the market share we've gained in the consumer credit, we benefit from having a diverse workforce gives us the opportunity to do business as well as to change life, get that empathy thinking in customer experience, well beyond reading a book on "unbanking of America" or research on underserved and unserved with a media agency.  Mission, purpose, ethical is what we work for after all the mundane and forgetful transactions.

This was not planned.  It had been difficult at times, and in prior years, I do feel a new lift and a new life is waiting for me.  As I figure that being significant may not be a bashful thing that I need to avoid, but embrace, Xiaoming, embrace.

|| The Last of Something

I watched the Star Wars Episode Eight with a number of my colleagues, there had been no laughing, no clapping, no cheering, not an emotion of a thing as the performers' names roared through on screen at the end of the movie.  The dark force reigned ...

My spirits are much brighter, this is after recovering from a major flu breakout and painful few days of massively erupting headaches, sneezing, nose running, intense coughing and everything miserable that's humanly imaginable.  Good health, good well being are the most important things to be blessing for, when the head is clear, when the breath is fresh, and when the legs are agile.

The last trip back to home is more enjoyable than the many others I had experienced. I took myself out of the meds (ie. the patches), and relied on my relatively "fragile" body to overcome all the discomfort, with all the medicine in bags of course.  Good combat, good physical condition are such rarities after the long distance travel ... and figured out how to communicate without international data connection.

The things I saw are also on the pleasant side, very little to be overly critical of.  The streets seem to be happy everywhere I had been.  People are unpredictable, but they think that they are happy.

After today, I had finished all things that I had wanted to do in the year of 2017.  Let's see ...
* home improvement - new window, new patio door, new TV cabinet, new dining chairs, google home, new mi-band
* learning new clothing brands - mm la fleur, everlane, cuyana
* traveling to new places - puerto rico, hangzhou, new york
* work accomplishments - finovate in new york; acc credit college prerequisite
* medical tests - well lots of those
* ups and downs - many of them for the notary documents

Just a few books, and almost no new friends though.

The last of something ... everything has the opposite side, everything has to end.  Or, everything has to have start, and everything has to have its purpose, and everything will come to face the destiny.

|| Everything changes yet nothing changes

A whirlwind of a few weeks and it's coming to the end of the year.  We counted the number of things that had been changed this year, most of them household items.

• The new 2017 vintage of toyota camry replacing the vintage 2010
• The surface pro 4 replacing the long crippled sony laptop
• The new toilet for the guest bathroom
• Ray-ban turquoise sunglasses replacing the Oakley pair
• The Xiaomi note-3 cell phone replacing the samsung phone
• The ipad mini 4 32G replacing the very original ipad mini 1 16G
• Synthetic eye lenses for mom after the cataract surgery
• ....

As much as I had dreamed of the ten year anniversary, the day and the time is coming.  And this falls on the eve of the Christmas, how ironic.  I could see, yes I see, that night, as I walked him out of my home and down the stairs, and I knew it was eternity for the sight of him.  We kept our words, and he did better.

It is such remarkable determination and courage.  I have had many struggles yet I overcame them every single time.  It was so hard and it was so easy that ten years had passed, as if everything was taking place in one day.  The next ten years, and the after ... it can be done, it will be done.

|| A very cold winter it has been

Simply the coldest in my memory of the days in the US, there is no relief in sight, life goes on and can never under-estimate the tensity of human beings.  I feel I have already survived the coldest days in the past few weeks, now this physical coldness, is nothing to compare to them.

I went back home in seven years, such a long time, how did I live the seven years, one by one, I don't know but I did.  The flight back home was two three hours late, when I was on the taxi, I saw many lights beaming from the very far buildings, but the lights were all in cold shades of blues.  I thought they'd be the warm browns, but so many of them were fluorescent blues ... there were lots and lots of blues.  Everyday was filled with small things-to-do so that there wouldn't be any boredom, but there was.  I saw the best of friends, but they were worth nothing, not the trip from tens of thousands of miles away.  I said yes and I said no, I smiled.  There was no drama ... but it's free, very very free.

The lifetime years, the year of 13 and the year of 14.  Maybe finally I realized that the only warmth could come from nowhere but here.  Here are a few new year's resolution - 1) work less 2) manage finance 3) waste no food 4) home improvement 4) travel the slow pace.

|| Leaving RIC

Left RIC eight weeks ago, sentimental as has been, the final days are not short of dramatic finishing, which includes a real fire in hotel where I stayed for my last night. Moving was hard, and leaving a place where I stayed for ten years, that provided water, food, living, peace at times when things were tumultuous. I'd like to visit all my favorite places before checking out, but I had enough of the one-day coach bus tour, and really needed to focus on getting my new life started, which my mother keeps telling me, is in the same state.

Don't know where I will go back to visit my favorite trees in the deep run park. I said goodbye.

|| East Grace Street

Christmas Eve was here. It usually is the time for me to write lots of season's greetings, but there was none this year, lots of small things to do and felt was catching up all the time. In the morning, I talked to Wei and Hailing. They seem to be safe and sound and everything. Sent a number of text messages to my cousins, friends and classmates, and received replies.

Catherine hosted a dinner party, food was amazing and love the time we sat on the 3rd floor and chatted. Coming out at around 1015pm, I decided to follow Whit to her church, the Centenary United Methodist Church at the east grace street. The midnight downtown was divine, cold was in the air, but the streets all seem to be ready for a holy reception. We parked in a lot, then walked the small lanes through the backdoor (would never be able to do that myself), making several turns inside, and we got to the congregation. The service was peaceful with candle lighting in the end. Just after midnight (1216pm) we walked out to embrace the melancholy church bells in the air and on streets. It was a peaceful night from my heart.

|| 2011 Wishes

1. Move - At least try a quick walk round the block, but I really should go to the gym
2. Eat Right - What I need is fruit, vegetable, grain and lean protein
3. Drink Water - This is hard on me
4. Laugh - When work is making me nuts and I just can't get along with this cold weather anymore, a sense of humor probably will keep me sane, so much as for the virtual insanity
5. Breathe - 20min reading, 20 seconds of looking 20 feet further out for my eyes; stand up and put my shoulders back, breathe deeply that changes how I feel

May we live a happy and healthy life in 2011 :-)

I took a few days off from work during this last week of 2010. Finally I was able to accomplish a few very modest things a) triple the number of linked-in connections 2) finished a book Crash of the Titans, it was intense narrations of the 2007-2008 financial crisis, giving me some access of understanding board rooms and the different functions within the senior management teams 3) watched a movie Black Swan, loved the music and the choreography, I'm not sure if it's necessary to depict the ballerina work as dark as what it showed in film, but I can understand the inner demons that we all have had at different situations 4) watched my favorite star trek movies and criminal intent series 5) not so proudly but rather painfully, I crashed in 6 doctor's appointment in about three days, and a lot more have already been scheduled in the new year 6) JBL creature III has become my new mini stereo system ... music is the food of life.

Haven't been writing much this year, but I was thinking about many things, too bad that they can't be spelled out explicitly. There's only one thing that needs to be remembered for the past year, it's that I've kept myself sane. I did meet some challengers and at times I felt vulnerable but I gained back the confidence in my own closet. I'm grateful for the people who had coached me because many conversations enlightened me - a) what we should care about and fight for for our national identity b) how we should fight back pre-conceived notions of cultural differences c) what mentors gain from people development d) happiness is an individual and a social outcome ...
There have been somewhat broken relationships and others got strengthened.

It's quite delightful to have a peaceful state of mind at this time of year.

|| Personal Shopper at Salvation Army

Is this the last post of 2009 and of a passing decade? Have to leave it a few days before I can say so, but first of all, I had the opportunity to do the Salvation Army volunteer day yesterday on the 23rd. There is a new site this year, 30min drive from Innsbrooke thru 288 at the Chesterfield town center. Most of the time I was walking around the mall being a personal shopper for the needed people.

The shopping routine was coat, toy, shoes, clothing, family and finally holiday stuff. The rule by the captain was pretty much 2 pieces per kid. So I was excited to see my first customer, and her name is Melissa with three girl kids. Pretty soon I realized that my explanations on the rules had no effect whatsoever on Melissa, and she just grabbed everything if she deemed fit for any of the girls. A full cart of things ended up going out for checkout, and as I was struggling strapping up the bag for everything she picked up, she took it over from my two hands, and pulled the bag on her shoulder and off she went out of the door with a Merry Christmas behind her. Later I saw that most of the people are like her, no rules no boundaries, they got whatever they needed, extras, extras and more extras. This shouldn't be new discovery, that there are no poor people in the US, they are taken care of if they'd like to be. I'm sure that they are richer than I am who is not exactly poor. The kids have toys for one year's Christmas than those for my entire life. All I can do is to remind them that they should pick up some books for the girls, and they always agreed.

I wrote 33 e-greetings this year (yesterday afternoon), bigger than the last. However, there was hardly any excitement, actually I was much better off reading people's replies, full of accomplishments, made me feel blue? Meditation, that's what I'm doing now.

I read books this year, went to new places, ate better, and experienced the not so ultimate highs and the not so ultimate lows. It's not a year that has the significance, merely following the threads from other years before. If using one word to summarize, it would've been flat, and by the way, I hate being flat. What do I think of the decade, it's fast, but it's slow. The holidays from ten years ago were long time ago, and was so dark and painful, I could still feel the chill, which set the tone for this passing decade. But for sure I had forgotten it already, yet I made other mistakes, lethal in one way or another, those which I'm living with everyday today, and will probably live up to its consequence for the next decade. I've done all to correct the course, to rejuvenate, but I wish there could be new orientations, but there is none so far.

Moving on, I saw three snow falls this year, all of them memorable. One in March (early spring surprises), June (in the awesome Yellowstone) and December (last weekend). This December snow was the heaviest, so thick and so dense. I couldn't deal with snow at all, but managed to still drive around. Like what the snow brought out of me, I felt I was doing many things to the best of my abilities, but I knew there should be more. I normally do not make a list of these things, but here's a change for the new decade, in no particular order -

#1 money matters (read professional books, make investments, be smart)
#2 life matters (buy buy buy, enjoy life and live happy)
#3 people matter (keep up with everyone in a positive way, be warm)
#4 career matters (what I want to do, do it, be bold and be ready)
#5 health matters (eat more healthy, but how?!, and exercise and exercise, be well)
#6 emotion matters (toughen up, and be strong)

So at least, the beginning of the next decade is so much more peaceful, so I'm moving and moving on .... may new and good things come to me, may all loved ones always be with me~~

|| Love Story

Today is Jim's last day here. He's going to Chicago, and to all my astonishment, he does not actually have a prospect of a profession, but just following a long time love of fifteen years. I never imagine Jim being the romantic kind, but stories like these are very moving, and indeed I cannot laugh at him, in the front of others. It is a personal pursuit, a passion and a promise, a sense and a sensibility. He said that he may go into photography that he has great interests in, that he is retiring from the finance profession. I see that people like Shekhar would never care about feelings like that. He is rude and rude, no respect, no taste, no everything. Every departure has a good and sad reason, but I congratulated Jim that he is leaving for a cause that I admire.

This is a delighted season, good-byes, meet-and-greets, all day long. Most recently, I had a real good laugh meeting an interesting couple. The man was addictive to golfing; the woman could hardly hold her tongue. Very comparable people together, and easy going, reminded me of the many who converse easily with people they are not acquainted with. They are just talented, instant bonding, and very welcome too, even when their comments are sometimes imprudent. But they are hardly anybody that we need, besides those good laughs, they are loud, they exaggerate, and they are not sensitive. They are good for each other, but I hardly relate to them at all.

|| Faith, Religion, Charity

As little as I ever want to provoke different opinions and argue for a thing that can never have a winner or loser, the ocasions arise that I have to face the questions, the remarks and criticism. And I am very less experienced in answering them, yes would sound like that I am easily persuaded, and no would sound like that I have little taste.

I went to a Saturday study group of a known charity group. In the United States, humans can hardly be social without being religious. I had not thought about exercising my prudent before agreeing to attend, 'cause it would be rude to ask such questions. The effect on me can rarely be guessed, Tammy didn't understand me, I am free thinking and free thinking I'd like to remain. It was Buddhism, many years since I last visisted a Buddhist temple, and never had any serious readings of its books. The religious leader for this group, as seen on a couple of Discovery people portraits, is a very smart and respectable person, she talks real, looks humane, and embraces the new world in many different ways. I strongly feel that the Asian culture, due to the large population and the bad history of being poor and less developed, requires a religion (new or old) to carry out an event that has impacts to the mass public. The approved and the non-approved societies in the past few years were all consequences of the history of the land and people, only religious groups, not business groups, can accomplish and conquer. Hence the US has Salvation Army, the Red Cross, Habitat for Humanity, Food Bank, and etc ... No one organization is associated with the most well known religious parties, there may be faith, such as mission statements, designed for spiritual enhancements, but they are faith, common sense, consciousness, not religion. In that city that they gathered, volunteers wore uniforms, followed rituals, and worshipped the leader. Hard to explain again, US only worships morals, values, and religions for maybe an hour on a Sunday morning, and those morals and values, although not talked about as often, they had those in the daily life; some others worship 24x7, never know how to live a life this is moral, with value.

Once I asked a friend what he considers to be mature, responsible, returning to the community. He says that himself being fine is the best return to the family and the society. It's self absorbing, in my opinion, to the family, to assume that they will have no need from the offspring, no matter how modest they have been; to the society, to ring fence one's responsibility as a single being. My own problem, rather, is not having the kind of determination that gets me into the actions. Tammy specifically requested that we not wait till retirement to act on the commitment, a small contribution, a big hand help while we are financially capable and physically healthy. My other problem is that I can be harsh, wanting more and quicker back from the people I help, but they have far more problems to deal with in their days of life, which I cannot see, and cannot help with.

|| Habitat for Humanity Builds

Friday, the 19th of 2004, and there was something seriously wrong with me. We were more than 2 hours late. It was rather unbelievable. I drove around the town up and down, east and west, and made numerous mistakes. I was mad that morning, but fortunately, the day wasn't a total wreck. The day was meant to be one that stayed in my memories for a long period of time.

The Habitat Company is one of the largest private residential property managers in Chicago and midwest regions. On that particular day, we were helping in 2316 Byron Avenue in Richmond. The work was putting up (taping) the dry walls. Yuan and I worked a great deal, and I was just proud of myself. We did just hammering the nails for the first couple of dry walls, but quickly figured out how to measure and cut the boards. There were other carpentry techniques that are interesting, and certainly our supervisor Bill was extremely tolerant of the mediocre quality jobs from us volunteers. Bill, like all other hard working people, has an attractive sense of humor, and directs us well on the progress of the building.

But it was lots of labor. My hands were literally burning because I didn't wear gloves, and then all my physical strength seemed to be losing fast in the afternoon. Yuan and I did one bedroom closet, and one kitchen closet.

House and building house were never my dreams. I have very modest goals now, but I look at this opportunity as the start of my dreams, of owning a living space, where I will be with my families for ever and ever. I knew nothing was hard if I set my minds on it, therefore the procrastinations from the other side of the equation became all the more disappointing. I would visit here again, just look at it in far sight maybe.