|| Survival Theory

A few more hours and I'm officially one year older. It's dreadful to think about age and aging, but life leaves no time to be depressed, so let me celebrate my surviving this past year of good life, and wish that I could be here celebrating another soon enough.

It's a Saturday, scorching heat outside, 105F. It has been better concentrating, a lot of reading, some conspiring, a little pondering for the birthday and for the weekend. My concentration problem has always been with people, they distract me and I'm sure the distraction isn't reciprocal. I'm interested in knowing people but these days everyone is cryptic, so decoding and imagining. The imagining part is what I disliked myself for 'cause I'd like to think people whoever come to my way are perfections of their species, but they are not. They have various professions, techniques, styles and faults. I tend to be that selfish creature but have retreated to a dangerous place that I don't ask for what I want but instead imagine that I'm getting what I want. It's distracting and morose (picked up this word from our CFO, after his all-hands on phone about pressure). But I also see what could get myself back again, that is, work and wisdom. Indeed that's the best medicine for the concentration problem.

Introductory Statistics, Econometrics, Probability, BASEL, parabolic, polynomial, univariate, multivariate, capital adequacy, supervisory review and market transparency ... it's somewhat easier when pressure is around, and I am concentrating. 2/3 of the distractions are disappearing, but I am doing badly and wanting to salvage the 1/3 disappeared. No, let's not do that, I'm saying that to myself ... on 7/23/2011.

|| Retrogression

It is insane. The chaos has been helping a bit because it commanded my attention. It never works out the perfect way, isn't it? I am thinking about it, who wouldn't? Everything is honest except for one, not the 1-2-3 though.

1. A black scaled snake got into the WC2 rotating door and staged a coiling scene of fear (for people like me) and wonder (for people who like all animals). This happened in the busy morning time and can't imagine somebody beeped it into the building

2. A good friend is coming back to Capital One to work because her team is busy. Amazing professionalism and dedication

3. We are losing some valuable finance scoring officers

|| Peach Bountiful But ...

I can't concentrate.

Blue and high sky, but I was thinking of Alaska. It's almost like asking whether I like a plain and simply character or a moody and dark one. The answer is that the one that creates its own weather is innately more attractive to me. I'm dying on this, one day.

Clouds and mountain, but I was thinking of somebody 152+60 miles away. I was deceived and defeated because it was cruel, growing up and growing aged. I couldn't mention the name or the specifics (therefore wondering if I could ever remember what this was after some days, for myself). Selfish, it's not exactly that kid rushing out to get his cookie first, but who doesn't think of others, seems that need to add one more, who can't accept ethical differences. Talking about diversity, it's hard. We all have principles, we don't lie about some things and don't expect others to lie about them. But they do, and what shall we react, I should really put it down (by writing down via archaic language) and let it go.

Beautiful mountain scenes, fresh air. For a moment, I was sitting alone on the deck and looking out. I wish I could concentrate, but I couldn't.
7/16 - one day, lots of time searching blindly on internet of anything I can find ... all wonderful things otherwise except for one fundamental deceit
7/17 am - silence helps me and let it be, so silly and doomed
7/17 pm - broke silence, too bad; please, work get me focus again
7/17 evening - deleted all contacts from yahoo, is there any use of this, bless
7/18 - retrogression
7/19 - somewhat better, thinking about the long-term investment etc.
7/20 - temptation and resistance
7/21 - flat conversation, maybe that's the best thing; so back to myself
7/26 - it's the end, yes it is
7/31 - taciturn, but hope to break it when I do have something to say
8/9 - 16 - sadly, the chapter is forever closed

|| Along the Richardson Highway

A marathon day.

We ate some instant noodles with 3 poached eggs from the kitchen, took our time to pack up things and signed the guests' book. Leaving the Blessing house was not as hard as what I thought it would be. The weather totally changed and brightened up, giving me the opportunity to understand the beauty of Valdez and it certainly didn't disappoint. The town was wrapped up in untouched pretty things, more organized, less spread out, none of the industrial build in sight (they were regulated in another angle of the bay). There was a serene feeling when putting yourself inside the peaceful little place.

The only highway out of town was through the Richardson highway where hidden treasures were behind many side-ways.

|| Valdez Columnbia Glacier

Valdez is the most beautiful town in the US. I will agree for now, the variations of the geology are probably rare to find in this world. The peacefulness of a place like this can probably replicated in other places though. I did love this, two days in Valdez, 1.5 was rainy and messy while 0.5 was bright and sunny. I was lucky enough to see what the town was in changing weathers.

I followed many tour blogs from the 2005-2006 and many of them mentioned the once-in-a-life experience of Columbia glacier kayaking. I struggled, this would be strenuous but I was willing to take the risk and that of others because I live one-in-my-lifetime. The day was rough and surpassing my expectations on the physicals.

Let's start from the B&B place we stayed in. It was nice, no complaint but I didn't like it. It was the lacking taste if I could explain but I couldn't. A light breakfast and we drove in rain to our company Pangae Adventures. The first thing we did was to rubber up - wearing rain coat, rain pants, the apron, the floating safety cover ... felt like a penguin, even went to the rest room with this outfit. Then we got training, which was not that easy as described of welcoming beginners. We got everything trying out the boat, walked to the dock and got ourselves onto the water taxi. Two hours, it was that far, the Columbia glacier.