Much of the time spent on my own has been to catch up with the data world and the fancy data visualizing tools which I had for years resisted, the tableau, the snowflake, the python ... etc. It is actually fun and it's amazing how much youtube has developed itself in training the novices. Yet, the daunting week is ahead of me, so I picked up this book of the Presence to help me as I feel weak and vulnerable.
Many people say that less need for external validation of their self-concepts; stronger listening, observing, and synthesizing skills.
- A truly confident person does not require arrogance; knowing and believing in her identity carries tools, not weapons
- Presence is when all your senses agree on one thing at the same time
Self-affirmation - and expressing your authentic best self
- What are the three words that describe you as an individual
- a curious mind (ask questions, blue, learn new things) to avoid acceptance risks
- analyzing everything, problem-solving (why, causal relationships)
- expansive thinking, like to have choices, options; dislike being in a box, working on a template ... at times it's costing me time because I'm going too far
- what is unique about you that leads to your happiest times and best performances
- conversations that build on understanding human beings, history, future
- situations when I express my core values and they are useful for the listeners
- being surrounded by nature things and freedom of life, farmers market, mountains, and road trips
- independent thinking and decision making, building my own judgment systems and being self-sufficient
- Reflect on a specific time when you are acting in a way that felt natural and right
- 1x1 catch up, what things are you spending time, "how does your day go"
- figured something out, becomes more self-sufficient
- What are your significant strengths, and how do you use them?
- curious ... I always listen first, everyone has a story to tell;
- analyzing ... I always consider that helps me build up the disciplines on decision making, inclusive thinking
- expansive thinking ... obsessed with obtaining context and giving context
- Leadership traits
- everyone has a story to tell and is the leader of himself or herself; vs the chosen one
- distributed power builds a stronger team as everyone creates a legacy and shape the way or the brand of the team
- use the human capital to build on career strengths, eg. learning from your peers, express the point of view and use a personal board of directors to work
- I value
- being free thinking and having choices in life
- being knowing the whereabouts and the history in the making
- helping to see the future, ie. what's ahead of today
Moments that threaten the self tend to hinge on feelings of social disapproval or rejection: not being admitted to a university, losing a job, a breakup, making a mistake in front of an audience, opening ourselves up to someone who responds judgmentally.
It's about having easier cognitive access to the core value and the story content. Sometimes you feel like you are trudging through the mud, not getting anywhere, you can't take flight with it. Then sometimes you just feel like very alive. When you become present, you allow others to present, be seen, and ask for it.
People prioritize warmth over competence. It's crucial to our survival to know whether a person deserves our trust. Presence is the medium through which trust develops and ideas travel. When you listen to someone, it's the most profound act of human respect. Real listening can't happen unless we have a sincere desire to understand what we are hearing. Listening meant resisting the urge to do what they did best - preach or judge. Then be a part of the problem-solving...
How you carry yourself - your facial expression, your posture, your breathing - all clearly affect the way you think, feel, and behave. Stand up straight and realize who you are, that you tower over your circumstances. The slow speech demonstrates a kind of openness, when people speak slowly they run the risk of being interrupted by others. In speaking slowly one indicates that he or she has no fear of interruption. Expanding your body language - through posture, movement, and speech, makes you feel more confident and powerful, less anxious and self-absorbed, and generally more positive. Positive posturing also clears for creativity, cognitive persistence, and abstract thinking. It overrides your instinct to fight or flee, allowing you to be grounded, open, and engaged.
Slowing down is a power move. Just as speaking slowly, taking pauses, and occupying space are related to power, so, too, is taking your time to figure out how to respond and slowing down your decision-making process in high-pressure moments.
Doing nothing is doing something. It tempered my feeling of threat. Doing nothing reminded me that I do have some power to slow the runaway train. And it freed me to see and respond to the situation with fully functioning cognitive machinery - better working memory, greater clarity, and the ability to adopt several different perspectives. Slowing down becomes self-reinforcing.
Nudge myself through countless sludgy days. Each tiny personal experience of improvement becomes a new source of both inspiration and information for me. Each time I go through a pressure without panicking when I struggled to cognitively process what I was hearing - a tiny victory. We encourage ourselves to feel a little more courageous, to act a bit more boldly, to step outside of the walls of our own fear, anxiety and powerlessness.
Nudges are small and require minimal psychological and physical commitment. They operate psychological shortcuts. And attitudes follow from behaviors.
Fake it till you become of it.
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