|| Poor health

It is almost the last day of March, maybe an end of a very long winter season, but not at all the end of an unsecure future. The weekend is miserable. I am mostly bed resting, and in and out of sleep which has been like coma to me because of the medicine in-take. Those are the usual meds that I was used to for years, but this time they are hazing, hoarse and uncomfortable. On top of that, I felt heart racing and burning right below the shoulder, which is ironically quite expected.

It is very low profile in the past several months and I reduce myself to a small area for maneuver between the office and the apartment, all for health. The rare occasions when I do move around is when I have to say goodbyes. March has the great exodus, many and I do many people are leaving and left.

It was shocking when Aim sent me a message that she is going back to Thailand. I saw here last week for a farewell lunch. She had a strange blush on her face, one of those harsh strikes right at the cheekbone, but she is a tasteful girl wearing a fitted grounds hounds pattern coat. She has been not quite the she that we knew back in 2006. She is hardly seen, rarely heard and no chance to be understood. She puzzled us, but there must be a reason and there it is. We were all desperately in need of help, and so she was. She is very true to her feelings, there is no denial, no concealment, no shame. I understand her at the end.

The other shocking moment was when I got a message from Todd from his circuit city e-mail account. Karen and I met him in the weekend. He told the horrendous meet with the electronic tycoon, honestly not surprising to me, when I heard that he was from my home province ... all years I've had these prejudice against my hometown fellows, but almost all times reality proves that I am not incorrect. Never had I explicitly acknowledged upbringings would make differences in views of the world, but all attempts to rationalize would end up somewhere in the buckets.

Very little progress in reconnecting with the few friends that I hadn't met in years, but I did all of them. Sun, my heart breaks, such a nice girl, but it's not fair, not fair ... In the middle of all this, none of which is an upbeat, I was trying very hard to be calm, not to be excited with anticipations or reactions. Yes, I wish there is a controlled substance in me that the real love or hate doesn't get revealed instantly. Do not let emotions control my life, do not waste time, be a strong person, be kind to everyone ... but there is so little to think of, just to come out of the sickness ...