In the morning chill, I walked into the rehab classroom in the Town Center, looking for my faith again. I'm in these lengthy behavioral class just to learn to say no. I don't have to be logical; I don't have to find a reason for my feelings; I don't concentrate on the past. I already knew, my mistakes, excessive probing, logical thinking, calculating, as well as a level of steadiness. And I got to think whether I've treated myself like a doormat all these years. Selfless is also a lack of self esteem. And there's only myself to be blamed, but I have never caused you trouble, I never meant to do you harm.
If I can see it, then I will understand. I was not in control, from the start in the wrong way, until the end stage. And I can't tell whether my dimishing desires are due to the completion of my collections of reasonings, or the conclusion of a disappointing cause. I can't internalize myself, I don't know how to deal with it. And I'm not sure whether it's doing me good.
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